Four Tips for Navigating Thanksgiving with a Selective Eater

Do you have a selective eater? Worried about how they’ll handle all those unfamiliar foods on the Thanksgiving table? (Your kiddo may be worried right along with you!)

Read on for tips from a speech-language pathologist/ feeding therapist about how to help set up your child for success, manage expectations around eating, and help make the holiday less stressful for all involved. 

Tip #1: Get your child involved

Research shows that it can take a child as many as 8 to 15 exposures to a new food before they begin to accept it. One of the reasons Thanksgiving can be overwhelming for selective eaters is because many of the “typical” Thanksgiving foods aren’t necessarily everyday dinner choices -- which means your child may not have seen holiday staples like stuffing, green bean casserole, or even turkey very often. This can make being faced with them at mealtime extra nerve-wracking!

A way to help make these foods less scary is to let your child “meet” them before they are on their plate, if possible. Going to the grocery store? Have your child help pick out the sweet potatoes, cans of pumpkin, or green beans. Starting to prep the meal? Have your child help out with tasks they can handle, like stirring the mashed potatoes or pouring the measured seasonings into the mixing bowl. 

Providing opportunities for your child to interact with the unfamiliar foods they may see on the table at Thanksgiving may make them more likely to want to try them at dinnertime. Even if they don’t (this year), they still gained valuable experience with these foods and cooking in general. That’s a win!

Tip #2: Manage expectations

Your own: 

If your child is consistently choosing from a very small number of foods that they accept, it is unlikely that they will eat a plate full of traditional Thanksgiving foods this year. Add in all of the other stimuli of the day (different smells and sounds, guests coming over, cousins to play with, the table settings being different, etc.), and trying new foods may be the last thing on their mind! 

It’s hard, but try not to dwell on what your child’s plate looks like, and try to enjoy the other aspects of the holiday. If your child only eats rolls and chicken nuggets from home -- that’s okay. Being together with loved ones and celebrating with gratitude is another (arguably more important than food!) part of the holiday. 

For your child: 

If you’re hosting dinner at your house, talk with your child about the menu and let them help make a plan. Maybe green bean casserole is a definite no-go, but they’re willing to consider trying a small piece of turkey this year? Great! Maybe they’re on the fence about sweet potato casserole, but think it smells good, so they’re curious? See if they want a small spoonful on their plate to check out “up close.” 

If you’re going to someone else’s house, talk about what may be on the menu. Help them think of ways they can respond if they don’t want to try something (for example, instead of yelling “YUCK, no way!” when offered a yam, you could practice that scenario with a response like “No, thank you”). 

For well-meaning family members: 

If Aunt Sue is unaware of your child’s feeding challenges, she may unknowingly put too much pressure on your kiddo to eat (“Oh, just try a bite,” “Your little brother is even eating it!,” or “You need a vegetable on your plate” are all pressure-loaded comments). You can try to get ahead of any of these sticky situations by advocating for your child with a phrase like “Timmy is a cautious eater, and we are going to move at his pace. He’s doing well with this strategy. Please follow my lead today.” 

You may need to be firm or repeat this a couple times, as extended family members may not be familiar with pediatric feeding challenges, but that’s okay! It’s worth it to keep the pressure-level low and for your child to know that you’re on their team.

Tip #3: Keep some familiar favorites available

Imagine if you were dropped off in a far-away land and had to eat their traditional delicacies for dinner -- but they were all foods you had never eaten before (and frankly, never had even thought to try) -- like grasshoppers (a delicacy in Mexico), crickets (a favorite in Thailand), frog legs (France), or rats (India). Unless you’re a very adventurous eater, you may feel overwhelmed by your plate, and wish you could find something familiar -- like a plain old piece of toast or chicken nugget! 

That’s how your child may feel when presented with a whole plate full of foods they aren’t familiar with. To decrease that sense of overwhelm, try to make sure there is at least one item available that they consistently eat. If you’re eating at someone else’s house, you may need to bring this from home, and that’s okay. Just talk with the host beforehand so they know it’s not because you don’t trust their cooking -- or offer to bring a dish to share that you know your child will eat.

Tip #4: Relax

If you’ve been focusing on increasing your child’s feeding repertoire, mealtimes can be a stressful place for both you and your child. As your stress levels increase, your child may feed off of it and become more anxious, too. This can lead to behavioral challenges and a stress spiral for both of you. Try to enjoy the holiday for what it is -- a time to celebrate with loved ones and express thanks for the positive things in your life. 

If your child surprises you and tries a bite of something unexpected, great! But play it cool, so that eating doesn’t feel like such a “big deal.” You could say something like “Those mashed potatoes are buttery, aren’t they?” 

Alternatively, if your child has one day of just eating rolls, a tiny bite of turkey, and the whipped cream off of a piece of pumpkin pie-- it won’t be the end of the world. You can get back into more structured feeding practice tomorrow. 

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I hope this has been helpful and that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and holiday season. Please reach out to Pathway Therapy Specialists via phone or email if you’d like to discuss feeding consultations, evaluations, or services.

For more information about pediatric feeding disorders, check out these resources: 

https://mymunchbug.com/

https://www.feedingmatters.org/

https://www.extremepickyeating.com/about-the-book/articles-and-interviews/

https://getpermissionapproach.com/